decorahnews.com special report continues: Part 2 of Bullying Expert's advice about handling bullying

Bullying expert Brian Juchems is Director of Programs for Gay Straight Alliance for Safe Schools (GSAFE), a Wisconsin-based organization that works with schools to create safe and supportive learning environments for lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender (LGBT) youth.  For over ten years he has worked with students and educators to address anti-gay bullying in schools, including a program to help bystanders become allies when they see bullying happening.  He is originally from rural Iowa and is a 1995 graduate of Luther College.

Juchems says adults often view bullying as a rite of passage or something for kids to endure.  In reality bullying causes harm for all students – the target, the kid doing the bullying, and students who witness it.  Says Juchems, "When I was getting bullied in elementary school, many of the adults in my life either dismissed the behavior as "kids being kids" or told me the only way to stop it was to physically fight or harm the students doing the bullying.  As adults, the best thing we can do if a child tells us they are being bullied is to let them know that we believe them and appreciate the courage it took to tell us.  Our instinct is to charge into the school and demand immediate action.  A better approach is to work with the child to come up with solutions, including how and when to approach the school."
 
Juchems says kids who get bullied are often targeted because they've been identified by their peers as someone who will respond in certain ways the bully finds humorous or satisfying, such as blowing up, crying, etc.  As adults we can equip our young people with tools to keep their cool and respond in positive ways when they are being mistreated by their peers.  Some examples include teaching them how to walk away, use humor to deflect the bullying, and assert themselves in safe ways.  The more tools we can give them, the more options they have to respond to bullying.  Telling students to ignore it or fight back are two very limited options, and might not be possible or the best response for every student.

There are no quick fixes to prevent bullying, says Juchems, but schools and communities can start by intentionally talking about and teaching students to respect differences in others.  This includes talking about LGBT issues with young students in age appropriate ways.  Most off-the-shelf bullying prevention programs fail to even mention LGBT issues, even though it is one of the top reasons students get bullied.  You have to talk about it directly and connect the dots for students – telling students to "be nice to everybody" doesn't get the job done.

Juchems says his work in Wisconsin has also focused on teaching students how to be allies to students who are bullied.  "When you're the target of bullying it can be hard to think and respond in the moment.  Training all kinds of students how to be allies in safe ways can start to change school climate for the better," he says.  Adds Juchems, "We also have to be intentional about teaching students what positive behavior looks and sounds like."

He recommends that if adults witness something they think constitutes bullying, they should immediately address it.  Then they can meet privately with students to find out what happened, starting with witnesses, then the bullied student, and finally the students doing the bullying.  Never treat it as an everyday conflict – bullying is the intentional (and often repeated) use of power to make someone else feel bad.  There is always an imbalance of power in a bullying situation, so normal conflict resolution techniques don't work, and often times there is re-bullying the target.
  
If you're a parent and you become aware of bullying, you should talk with your child about how to approach the school about the situation.  When you do approach the school, treat them like partners in solving the problem.  
Recommends Juchems, "As much as possible provide the child doing the bullying opportunities to learn the impact of their behavior, and find ways to make it right."

If your child is the target of bullying, be sure to keep a record of what happened, who you talked to, and any actions taken.  This can be particularly helpful if you ever need to make the case or prove a pattern of behavior if your school or district minimizes or dismisses the situation.   
Juchems recommends that parents, teachers and students check out www.stopbullying.gov, which he calls "a great resource on this topic."